Everyone likes sex. More importantly, everyone likes to cum. That goes without saying. When you first think about it, not being able to cum is probably the last thing you want to subject yourself to. You’ve probably been there in the past with a girlfriend who changed her mind or maybe one who just stubbornly didn’t want to have sex. If you’ve been there, chances are that it’s not a place you particularly want to be again.
That said, orgasm denial is actually better than it sounds. Orgasm denial and the act of being unable to cum until your partner permits you to. As part of BDSM play, it’s just another way for the Dom to exercise control over their sub. When done right, it can not only improve the orgasm but is going to add an extra dimension to the sense of dominance and submission already in play.
Increases the Sense of Dominance and Submission
For a sub, you’ve already given control of the situation (at least in a certain sense) entirely over to your Dom. Though the sub has the capability to stop the situation at any time through the use of their safe word, the Dom has control of everything during the situation. What better way is there to hand off control of the situation than to put your ability to have an orgasm into your Dom’s hands? When a sub agrees to participate in play that involves orgasm denial, she’s saying that she wants not only the situation to be controlled by her Dom, but her very ability to do what, in most cases,she’s participating for. She’s handing over every shred of control she might have had to her partner and saying that she doesn’t even get to decide when she experiences pleasure. There’s a very heavy meaning in that.
There are no gender specifics or requirements for who can participate in orgasm denial play. Like most aspects of BDSM, the roles are often interchangeable. Women can be teased and stimulated to the point at which an orgasm seems inevitable and then denied as a form of control just as easily as a man could be equipped with a sort of chastity belt to prevent him from being able to cum. What’s going to help you have as much enjoyment as possible out of any sort of BDSM play is realizing that it’s all about taking on a role and playing it to the fullest, but also accepting that those roles can be reversed very quickly should both parties agree to it. From what reviews show, there are a lot of men who aren’t getting the most out of BDSM because they haven’t realized that yet because many scam fetish dating sites are male-centric and tend to rely on the belief that only men can be Doms. That is not true; women can be good Doms as well. You can find them in top fetish dating sites but make sure to avoid scam sites. Visit http://fixatedfreak.com/best-dating-sites/ and read the reviews of the best dating sites to get some new insights on women Doms.
When the orgasm is denied, the pleasure is going to be heightened. It’s simple and easy to see why. When it becomes something the sub has come to want so terribly, it seems amazing when finally given. We aren’t saying that you won’t cum if you aren’t denied it, but we are saying that you’ll be surprised how great it is to cum after being denied it for a while. Men and women alike will tell you how enjoyable it is because it’s not only a physical release but a psychological sense of relief as well. There’s often a sense of accomplishment when a sub pleases a Dom enough and is finally allowed to cum.
If roleplaying is part of your play, orgasm denial tends to be used frequently with teacher and student scenes because of the sense of instruction and obedience. If roleplaying isn’t something that you and your partner have started exploring the possibility of yet, there’s no need to worry. Orgasm denial doesn’t need a specific roleplay scenario to be used. Just a simple Dom and sub situation is enough to reap the benefits of this fun kink.
How to Do It
First of all, figure out what you’re doing. Orgasm denial isn’t abstinence and it isn’t an outright refusal to touch your partner. For a sub, it’s about letting your partner have complete control of your pleasure. For a Dom it’s, of course, about taking that control and using it not to truly torture your partner and be cruel, but also as part of the scene you’re playing. Reading up on the practice online will get you far, but if you’d prefer, you could find someone to talk about it with. If you’re lucky enough to be part of a swingers’ group or have friends that are part of the BDSM culture, that’s the best place to start.
A lot of reviews on dating and hookup sites recommend that it’s best to try this particular kink out when you have someone experienced with it to guide you. However, everyone knows that this is a lucky situation and won’t always be possible. If the trying of new practices was limited only with a partner who had a wide amount of experience, couples new to the scene would never try anything new. Simply talking to people to gain an understanding is usually all that’s required.
Be Careful Where You Play
There are even sites out there dedicated entirely to this kink but you should make sure that the site is worthwhile so you don’t get caught up in one of several frequent fetish dating scams.If you’re using BDSM-centric alternative dating sites to meet a potential partner, you’ll want to make sure they fit what you’re looking for. If you’d rather be a sub, then you want to be able to filter profiles to look for a Dom and vice-versa. If the site you’re using won’t let you narrow your search range through the use of filters like this it might be wise to choose another site.
Fetish dating scams are everywhere and you want to stay safe and continue actually trying to get laid instead of walk into a situation without being entirely certain what you’re getting into. Nothing will make people more uncomfortable than that, so you want to avoid putting yourself in a situation that’s anything like that. Being careful will make things safe and pleasurable for everyone involved.
As with any type of BDSM play (or any new type of kinky play in general, really) it’s important to discuss everything with your partner beforehand. Gain an understanding of what they want out of the scene and make sure that the two of you are well-versed in what you’re both comfortable and uncomfortable with. Develop a safeword that’s easy to distinguish from anything you might say as part of the scene and make sure it’s understood. There’s nothing worse than a scene that gets ruined, especially when the kink is orgasm denial and a plea to stop is misunderstood as part of the scene when really it is a true request. When you’re aware of what you’re doing and know how to best please your partner, orgasm denial is a kink that’s excellent in low-key control play but can also greatly augment any hardcore BDSM scenes that you and your partner or partners decide to act out.